Life Update

So I don't live in Redding anymore. And I don't go to Simpson anymore. I quit school because it was just way too much for me and I think I was getting depressed in Redding. I mean I love everyone there and stuff. I just had this feeling all semester that I wasn't supposed to be there anymore. I ended up getting sick at the end of the semester and I missed all my classes. So I ended up failing all my classes too. It kinda sucks. So they actually ended up kicking me out, but I REALLY wanted to leave too. I know that I kinda screwed up with school. I am thinking about going to school down here in Sonoma County at Sonoma State. But we will see how that works out.
I started blogging on myspace again too. I keep forgetting about this one. And since no one ever reads it. I have to do extra work on myspace and facebook to promote that I write on here. ugh.
Over Christmas break... I kinda went through some ups and downs with guys and such. I got really mad for no reason kinda at this guy and I said some things that I shouldn't have. One of my blogs on myspace was like the day after that.
Anyways I am tired of feeling like a screw up. So I am trying to turn my life around while I have the chance. I mean I am only 24 so I guess I have a lot more living to do. I am excited tho cuz I have a job interview at a school on Friday to be a TA for Special Ed. Which is pretty close to what I want to do so I am excited about getting my foot in the door at a school around here. I am just praying that I actually get the job.
Anyways if you read this thanks for reading and you are awesome.
Darla

Jan 25th, 2009

The Valley
Current mood: confused

There is a valley and I am in the middle. On one side, stands the Christian world. Jesus is there and God too, oh and the Holy Spirit. They have this gift of purity and they say that they love me. But then some mean and judgmental people stand firmly on their side. They claim to be a friend of God. But I feel as if I should be closer to him. I am not mean or judgmental. The other side stands the rest of the world. They don't have an agenda for me to live by. Live and be free. Do as you please. Go drink, party, have sex, take drugs. They love me too and they aren't judging me. And they throw really good parties. I like going to parties. They are kinda alluring with all their mystery and excitement. And here I am in the middle. A pretty strange place to be. One side makes me feel really guilty... and I know it isn't God that makes me feel guilty it is them. But I have started to realize that no one is perfect. Sometimes I swear some of these "rules" are just to control me. I don't want to be controlled either. I wish I had that freedom to do everything that I wish. But religion is holding me back. Don't get me wrong. I am very much still standing here in the middle. I totally still believe in God and that Jesus is God etc.... you know all that stuff. Just the middle is a bad place to stand. I feel like I have been standing here for awhile. I feel like I am kinda trapped. Well back to wandering in the valley. Let me know how you are doing up there on your side.